It’d be easier to have my cake and eat it too if I had 2 cakes...

It’s interesting sometimes how things come together and gets you in a specific mood. You’ve got natural substances, and artificial ones; some are already internal, while others are willfully ingested. Personality plays a part in how chemicals affect your mood, and your recent activities, both past and future, also contribute to any one feeling you might have at a particular moment. The weather, location and people you’ve been in contact with also inadvertently donate to your personal ambiance as well.

I’m tired. Maybe more accurately…exhausted. I’ve had supercharged weekend and have depleted my energy reserve tank. I’ve been in Seoul for the past 2 days, enjoyed some great shopping, awesome food, and got to go to one of the really good art museums, all with amazing people. Having a genie couldn’t have made the weekend any better. I truly believe that. I’ve been in my friend’s coffee shop watching it rain, listening to jazz and drinking coffee for the past 2 hours. I'm not really tired, but feel incredibly lethargic. Very sloth like. Exhaustion and caffeine are the main ingredients in that I believe. Earlier I was petitioned to join some soccer friends in eating raw fish flown in from the small Korean island called Jeju. The 2 large fish we ate were very seasonal and rare. For 5 people I think they forked over about $150. By the time I answered my phone, they were half done eating, but they still kept calling me. I had missed 6 calls. One guy stopped eating, drove across town to pick me up, while the others waited until I got there to finish eating. That is just everyday typical Korean generosity. They care.  I often think of the saying where friends are closer family than family, and I think Korea could be the center of that philosophy.  I’m not insinuating that my family is not good to me, not by any means, just that… they treat me, a foreigner, as if I was their life long friend and family. My friend Mr. Shin was taking me home after we ate, and I started having some random, fragmented thoughts about how big the world is, and how many people are actually in it…. How close to mind blowingly unfathomable it really is that you can transplant yourself into a culture completely foreign and literally weave yourself into an entirely different life.  It kind of left me speechless a lump in my throat. I really can’t believe I’ve found such a genuine group of friends on the other side of the world.

Before I came here I knew Asians ate sushi and sushi was raw fish. My education of the Asian culture didn’t extend much further than that. I’ve always loved traveling, but this area was never on my list.

A while back I was appreciating all the fun I’ve been having and came up with “the more places I go, the more places I want to be.” Which to me means as my options grow, my decisions become harder. When I moved to OKC I said to myself, I think I could live and have a life in Elk City, lets see about OKC. I went to California for one summer, and proved to myself that I could live there too, despite a few difficulties. After I graduated, I had solidified a life in OKC and knew that it was a place that I could, and more than likely would, life for most of my life. Circumstance and opportunity handed me an offer to move to Denver and so in January of 2009 I packed my pick up and headed to the snow. I had a ton of fun with my friends, saw first hand why almost people from Denver are always happy, and decided that I could live there too, but that I liked OKC more. Two years later, the same 2 showed up again, handing me a plane ticket and an offer to see if I could live some place a little more difficult, and I accepted. Six months later, here I am, seeing that it is not only possible, incredibly successful. And now my saying I had thought up a month or 2 earlier doesn’t seem convey the problem very accurately. It’s gone from an idea “wow I’ve got a lot of money what do I want to buy!” to “soon I’m going to have to make another decision as to what I want to give up." I’m not looking forward to it. Currently I do not foresee either outcome being painless. A vacation is quickly turning into a life and now my decisions aren’t as easy. I never expected to become this involved and included in the local’s lives.

Case in point…my friend Dragon, the coffee shop owner, 2 hours before closing, just said he wanted to leave early to go see his wife in Seoul, and tossed me the keys to the shop and said lock up when the customers leave. Or stay as long as you want. I’ve found myself in an incredibly trusting, genuine friendship.

The longer I’m here, the better it gets, the more questions that pop up, the more difficult I find things. I need to find a way to have another cake.