You can’t always get what you want. You cant. Nobody can. The past 24 hours have been some of the greatest and the most stressful since I’ve been here. The more I like Korea the more stressed I get. Ironic? I don’t know. It’s definitely an uneasy feeling. I do know that. I’m the train bound for Seoul now. I’ve got the next 7 says off. Am I spending it in Seoul? No, just traveling 3 hours to watch a movie. And yes, there’s a more than adequate theater 3 minutes from my apartment. Maybe I’ll get the over night train back home. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe Monday.

I’m listening to the referenced song by The…Stones. I’m also about 1/3 the way through Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. In the book, the narrator talks about his past through the form of a ghost. The ghost is the antagonist fighting against the narrator to live outside the box of rationality. To stop believing everything people tell him just because it’s always been that way. Most of the discussions he has are philosophical about how the ghost went crazy thinking about things. The more he thought, the crazier he became. And incidentally, the more I read, the more wound up I feel. Like 14 cups of coffee wound up.

Four hours of music per day has turned into 4 minutes and up is the amount of reading I’m doing. It’s also exhausting. I feel like I'm reading as much of the dictionary as I am this book.

Between the books power to induce stressful thoughts and the looming question of what I want to do with my life until February 2012…I'm worn out. I mean really. Are you kidding me? I have 6 shirts and 4 pair of pants and it takes me 30 minutes to decide what to wear. All I really want to do is find a Do Not Disturb sign and hang it out side my brain for a day. I don't want to make a decision that deals with that far in the future.  

What am I doing in Korea? Why did I come? For experience in teaching, yes that’s it. Good. One question down. Lets keep going….

The more places I go the more places I want to be. Anyone who has ambitions or zeal to acquire more can understand this. It wears me out. When you weight train you lift the weight until your exhausted. When you want a car built…and I mean REALLY built…you pump every dime you can find into it. If you REALLY want something you’ll find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse. Fact. If you like to travel, the same is true. I want to go and go and go. More and more and more. I’m trying to find a way and it’s exhausting. Oh yeah…”you can’t always get what you want.” Thanks Mic.

1.5 hours into my train ride the train is paced. Like sardines packed. Saddlebags on a motorcycle trip packed. I'm glad I bought my ticket yesterday because I have a seat. If there are no seats left, then the train company sells standing tickets. So people flood the isles and café car.

Another reason I thought to listen to that song is because Sharon Owsley, my mom’s friend, has always called me a rolling stone. And I love it. That screams adventure to me and I like being thought of as an adventuresome individual. I think life begins right outside of your comfort zone. (Or at least for me it does).

Gong back to obsession (that’s really what it is) is dangerous. Think of the freshman that pulls an all nighter to read 3 chapters ahead in his psych book because he’s just that interested. You say he’s diligent. Going after something he likes. If the same student did the same thing but drew circles all night, he’s obsessed. Mad. And would probably end up being an example IN the psych book. My point is, obsession to often connotes negativity and right now that’s what I feel. My snowball is getting way to big and going way to fast and I cant keep up. But getting out of the way would mean not seeing what happens. I cant do that either. I need a meadow of wildflowers to go lay in. or a beach. Maybe I’ll just fall asleep on the return train and end up at the beach on Busan.

Well we’re finally getting close to Seoul; time to enjoy the city for a few hours.

p.s. what the entry was supposed to be about was whether to stay for an additional 6 months in Korea. A topic for next time I suppose. 

Corbin Felton
5/5/2011 03:17:36 am

Von, I miss you. I miss you a lot! But, honestly who knows if you will get the opportunity to do this again. I always thought that I would go back to Europe during my studies at OC. But I didnt. If you have the chance to do something like that take advantage of it and stay. Take full advantage of it. Make friends and have the time of your life! Maybe dad will even let me come and see you. Hope you have fun reading and have fun at your movie. Love you and be careful! p.s. sorry for the mush.

Chelsea Walker
6/12/2011 11:34:46 am

I was named after that song.
I'm just sayin'.


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